It was my golden birthday this year. I turned 28 on the 28th. I think that’s cause for a special day. My birthday was amazing and special, you pretty much can’t have a bad day when you spend it doing things for others. Amidst the chaos of planning 28 RAOKs I did do one thing for myself though, something special and something I have been struggling with for months now. I don’t get personal too often or share private things but this is especially close to my heart and warrants sharing.
Remember that one time I was pregnant? Me too. Do you remember when I used to call my sweet girl “Golden”? I do too. I remember the moment that name came to me and it just fit. The name immediately painted a picture of who this baby girl would be. As you know we did not name her “Golden”. “Dempsey” was mine and Bret’s second choice and since neither of us was crazy about the other’s first choice we compromised and went with our #2 pick. Compromising is what you are supposed to do after all. I really love the name “Dempsey” but to be honest I have had the hardest time connecting to it. Since I liked the name “Dempsey” so much I thought that if we named her that it would become her name after calling her that enough times. While I think it fits her fine I still hesitate inside each time I call her that, sometimes even tasting it in my head before calling it out forcing myself to get used to it. Most of the time I call her Cookie instead because I feel like “Dempsey” lacks sincerity when I say it. Cookie is an adorable nickname but it also lacks sincerity from me. After several months I still hadn’t adjusted to her name, I was really struggling inside not knowing what to do. Sometimes I thought I was just being stubborn or selfish and that I should just let go of the idea but then other times I would mourn at the idea of never calling her Golden and so I would start the name change process. Am I sounding crazy yet? I normally don’t hesitate to do things that might not be socially accepted and with no regard for what people will think or say about me (haters gonna hate) but with this I am especially sensitive and worry about the inevitable judgements an scoffs. If I am being true to myself, my beliefs, my likes, dislikes and my feelings then nothing really holds me back from doing what feels right to me, usually. In this situation however, her dad’s opinion also matters and so we proceeded to have many late night talks about it and what we should do. We both agree that “Dempsey” has become a part of her now and should remain her first name since it was her first given name. In addition to Dempsey though we are amending her name to include Golden as well. Her legal name will be Dempsey Golden Bradley Crosby. I didn’t want to replace her middle name because Bradley comes from my twin who is very special to me. This means little girl gets to have an extra name because she is extra special.
As I battled with myself back and forth it all boiled down to the simple fact that I knew I would never be able to let go of “Golden”. There is so much meaning and feeling behind that name for me it just needs to stay with her, even if I am the only one who calls her that. I gifted her name amendment to myself for my golden birthday, kind of fitting don’t ya think? As I was debating on whether to share her name change publicly 2 things gave me the confirmation and confidence to do so. I purchased these tiny golden booties long before I was even pregnant with her (talk about premonition), the second was a post I wrote while I was still pregnant with her. While talking about why I chose the name Golden I wrote “I like the picture it paints of her in my mind. I hope she is golden and that she brings light to everyone around her as she does to me… A sunny girl with big bright eyes that carries happiness and purity wherever she goes.” Before I had even met her I had this picture of who she would be and oh my stars does she fit that description perfectly all the way down to her big bright eyes! To me “Golden” describes who she is and her affect on those around her. She is golden and bright and so she will always be Golden to me.
I don’t ask that anyone call her Golden unless you want to but at least when I call her that you will know why. To some people names are just names and to other people names are inspired and carry meaning. In this case I am one of the latter people and so I just have to be me and stick with what feels right, regardless of how cooky it may seem. One thing is for certain, she is a ray of light in my life and I am so blessed have her. She overwhelms me with happiness.
Comments
That is beautiful! I felt the same way about my how we came up with my daughter Stella Jane’s name. Babies are truly blessings.
I think there is something to be said about the thoughts and feelings you have when you are pregnant. Sometimes you just know things about the little one you are carrying. I understand why you couldn’t let go of calling her Golden. You shouldn’t feel at all wrong about doing this. I know I am just some person out there so it might not mean as much coming from me but I completely support you and I think most mothers would understand why you felt so strongly about this. Good for you and Happy Birthday again.
I can completely relate. My husband and I loved the name Annika but changed our minds right after our daughter was born and named her Jillian Grace. I still called her Annika though (the exhaustion of a newborn might have had a little something to do with that) and finally after a week I knew we had to add that to her name because that was who she was. So we changed her name to Jillian Annika Grace. I’m so happy we did that and didn’t just chalk it up the craziness after childbirth. Now I tell my daughter that she’s so special, she has two middle names.
Becki,
What a beautiful tribute to your daughter. Not crazy, just full of love.
Blessings
I think that’s beautiful Becki! You are an amazing woman and an even better mother. I know she will love her name and how it came to be!
I can sorta relate…We named my daughter, Emersynn Grace. It’s a tradition in my family that started with my Great Gramma that first born daughters give their first born daughter the middle name Marie. So my Great Gramma, Gramma, my mom, and I all have the middle name Marie. Well immediately after leaving the hospital I felt guilty and thought why would I break such a cool tradition like that, even though Grace had such a special meaning for us. So we ended up amending her name to Emersynn Grace Marie. She has the longest name ever, but I feel 100% happy with it and I’m so so so glad we changed it. Otherwise would have been still feeling guilty about it even to this day (she’s almost 9 now). Anyways, not EXACTLY like your story, but kinda similar : ) I can relate! Thanks for sharing : )
I love it! Good for you for following your heart and doing what you felt! She is indeed golden, just looking at that sweet face and bright eyes, she just HAS that golden aura around here! Yay for a golden birthday!
I actually teared up reading this! What a precious and loving testimonial!!! I hope you print out this post and include it in her baby book – she will embrace her name even more knowing the love and devotion behind it! Hugs!
I think it fits her perfectly!! And I also think that the Lord gave you that name for her and you have been feeling the nudge from the Holy Spirit that it’s part of who she is…I went through the same struggles with all 3 of my kids…I believe names are a big part of who they are…We can’t name a child to please anyone else!! I am proud of you for doing what you and your hubby felt was right for your daughter~if someone is a naysayer, or does’t like it, well, you are not required to change their mind! I know you now have peace about it and that’s not anything someone should try and take away from you!!! Now, go enjoy your little Golden Baby and have a blessed day!!!
I so know how that is! I only had the name Riley Sage picked out and it was the only girl name I liked. When she was born, I called her baby for like a month because it didn’t fit. Pretty soon, her personality molded into her name and now it’s perfect for her! Names really do have meaning. Your daughter is precious, by the way!
Hey Becki
Great post and sooo true…. When you know, you know!!!
We are expecting our little man in mid October and from the get-go I’ve always been in love with one name in particular for a few reasons
We have an older daughter (Claudia) and really wanted to stick with a name that begins with “C” to bridge the 7 year gap between our daughter with her soon to be born little brother… I recognize that with the age difference our little ones will have a different dynamic then some siblings and want them to still feel like a sister and brother with similar initials… Also, we have decided to name his middle name Jonathan (after daddy!) which means “God’s gift”… so finding a name that compliments the middle was important. Lastly, we love that show Parenthood and one of the characters names, lol (have you seen this show, SO GOOD!) Therefore our newest addition will be named Crosby Jonathan Fulton!!!! Haha 
Wanted to share with you b/c I know it’s your last name too 
(btw, Crosby means “At the cross”, so essentially means “god’s gift, at the cross”.. LOVE IT!!! xoxo Happy Friday!
I think it is beautiful to go with what you felt about her name. She is golden like a ray of sunshine! Every picture you post of her makes me smile.
BEAUTIFUL!! XOXO
love it!
I’m loving it. Our last child was unexpected, we had a girl and a boy and were very happy. God obviously had other plans for us and blessed us with another girl. We didn’t want to know the sex of our first two but since there was only going to be 3 1/2 years between the oldest and the new baby I wanted to know. We found out she was a girl, her name was going to be Olivia Renée. That was the year of the Dominiques in the Olympics. I heard that name and fell in love. I feel that the actual meaning of the name is important so I checked on what it meant “Gift of God” and that is truly what she is. I loved the name Olivia and my husband loved the name Renée (since it’s my name). So she is Dominique Olivia Renée plus our long last name. She has lit up the room and made me laugh when I wanted to cry, she’s had some struggles in her life but has turned her life around and is on the right track. She just came back from Kenya helping out at an orphanage, plans on spending 3 months to a year there when she graduates from high school and will be 16 on the 9th. I’m glad we gave her 2 middle names, it all fits.
I love it! As Mamas, sometimes we just have “that” intuition that tells us WHO our children are. However it comes to us, and no matter how hard we try to shake it, sometimes you just KNOW what your children should be called. I’m impressed with your courage to go back and ammend her name to be what you knew all along was WHO she was. That’s cool – and now she gets an extra name! Fun fun!
Not that it matters, but I love it!!!
I remember reading a post on FB when you said you were thinking about the name Golden. I remember thinking how adorable that was. And I have to tell you, every time I see your posts or photos of your little girl I think about it.
Names are important. We gave our baby girl two middle names too.:)
I have 4 boys and 1 girl. My daughters name came to be just before I got pregnant with her in a special way. Through the whole pregnancy I knew it needed to be her name. Only thing was I didn’t love it. At all really. I had so many girl name ideas and only one girl! After much nagging from the Mr. And her brothers and significant nagging from the spirit, I now have a daughter named Sunny and it couldn’t be more perfect. I am glad I went with it (eventually) because its her. Glad you went with it too.
Beautiful post…you made me tear up. What we name and/or call our children is extremely personal. I commend you for following your gut. Golden is truly a special little girl. I see the light shining from those magnificent eyes all the way over here in Rhode Island
I think she will absolutely love her name and all the love and thought and feeling that you put behind giving it to her. Happy belated birthday to you as well. xoxo
I don’t think that’s crazy at all. She is adorable and your her mom you get to name her what you feel is right. I’m the same way when it came to naming our boys.
i love this. all of it. thank you for sharing your heart! i hope your birthday was incredible. i always joke with people that our sookie girl is 1 of about 10 in the world, so WHY NOT name her after a telepathic fairy? hehe.
xoxo.
In case Elisha hasn’t shared this with you…we named our second Braden…and I COULD NOT get used it…our first is Brennan…those two names are PRACTICALLY the same! I never wanted Braden but our other list names were ruled out for one reason or another and my family talked me into Braden (which I liked but didn’t want to use). I signed the birth certificate…my stomach sunk…I made the birth announcements…knots in my stomach…blessing was done…still couldn’t handle it…and one day at least FOUR MONTHS later I realized…this isn’t going to work for me and I was TERRIFIED at the backlash that our family/friends would give in doing something so “weird.” But I couldn’t live my whole life and introduce my children and then give a big long explanation why their names were SO CLOSE and I was so done pleasing others. He is now my Dawson…his name change is a cute part of his story and that life experience seriously changed my life in a great way. I learned a great lesson in NOT caring what everyone thought something I had struggled with for some time. We did get a backlash, people laughed, poked fun and thought we were crazy…and I wouldn’t change it for a second. He was 6 months old when we finalized his new name and got rid of braden all together…and I still have his “braden” birth announcements =) People called him Braden for awhile and would apologize and that never bothered me. He WAS that and he’s now Dawson and most the time people can’t even remember today WHAT his first name was…and his name fits him much better without leaving me in a big explanation as to WHY I was talked into the other name in my super vulnerable, post partum state =)
Yeah for you and Golden…I hope you also look back and find it a good lesson for you/her!!
I love love love this! Good for you for doing what felt right:)
Names, to me, carry such importance! And my husband and I believe you always need to do what feels right to you:)
Golden suits your beautiful little girl:)
You know, Becki, I wanted to name my eldest daughter Fancy. I don’t know why, really, I just felt her as a sweet little fancy girl. No one agreed with me, didn’t like it, said she would get made fun of. I love her first name, but really settled on her middle name. Even after 4 years, I think on it and wish I had given her that name. So I’m glad you made that choice.
I’m glad you went with your gut! I think it suits her just perfectly! She is adorable! You are a wonderful momma!
My Golden Birthday is this year, as well, and I too will be 28 on the 28th! You have inspired me
Thats a sweet little name!